tv The Stream Al Jazeera April 9, 2014 7:30pm-8:01pm EDT
perished. >> lost lives are re-lived... >> all of these people shouldn't be dead. >> will there differences bring them together, or tear them apart. >> the only way to find out is to see it yourselves. >> which side of the fence are you on? borderland only on al jazeera america >> hi, i'm lisa fletcher and you're in the stream. out of the box thinkers share their tool kit for racing smart successful well balanced kids. my co-host and digital procedures wajahat ali. an increasingly high tech world i'm so encouraged how all our
guests tonight boil it down to the basic. >> people ask about the kids. what about the poor parents? facebook poking, there's poking going on nowadays. my parents didn't have to deal with this and rising college tuitions. we have a lot of folks tweeting in. jessica, navigating parenting in this crazy age of social media. it's all new territory. my kids are both toddlers but the criticism of kids no matter what they do is alarming. athena 115, all about honesty patience, accountability and unconditional love. those are the age of tweeting. >> sounds like a wise woman. >> wise woman indeed. >> general profiles of overbearing parent and more recently, the dolphin pairnt pat
emerged. competition for top universities is more credit tough than ever. stanford only selected 5% of its applicants. quite the daunting task so how do parents know when they're getting it right without adding undue pressure? is it getting a nine-year-old to program computer software? what it takes to raise a successful and balanced child. ellen, digital media strategist to work with kids to use social media for social good. what a concept. dr. shimi kay, author of the dolphin way, an alternative to parenting in response to tiger parenting. an advocate of bilingual
education as a tool for second and rebecca levy. white house champion for change with her work on youth education. dr. kang, it's all very subjective but generally in 2014 how do you think america defines a successful child? >> sure. a lot of parents are misguided in their belief that more means better. in today's trend of over-parenting you are seriously underpreparing our kids for real life. sabotaging their self-motivation and ability to adapt. we are one of the most informed group of parents ever in history. but we are raising kids with soasociety issues and credit
obesity. if. >> overdoing it is okay because it's going to help my kid, right? >> i think we all go in with very good intentions. we want to lead them. we go in with ulterior motives. we are good at them, they should be clearly good at them. letting our kids be kids and their voices and interests shine in. >> you're community tweeting in. jonathan says, good parenting in america is differentiated from good parenting in japan. bernice says, i think there are different kinds of individuals, she the differentiates between city vs. rural and gurka says, depends on what is quote unquote good. and becca, i want you in this conversation. when i was growing up in this community, sbl successful childs
a doctor or lawyer. what would you say is the successful definition or measure of a good parent? >> right now it's a parent who doesn't let their kid sit on the ipad all day. and on the other hand there's all this pressure for your kid to be an app developer and sell their app to google by the time they're 12 and all these teens are developing apps and you think your kid is a failure because they can't code. there has to be a balance between your expectations of your child and what's real. but i think part of this pressure actually comes from all this are digital, focusing on parenting than ever before. it's not just the kids who feel the pressure, it's the parents who feel the pressure. >> dr. kang in your book you talk about three styles of
parent, the jellyfish, the dolphin and the tiger. give us a definition of what each of these is. tell me about the recipe, the combination of all of them to really achieve success with your kids. >> sure. all parents love their kid and want the best for their kids but the styles and results vary. the tiger parent is yore controlling and -- overcontrolling and overbearing. the pushy mom who is hovering over the piano. on the other extreme, the jellyfish is permissive without enough direction and the balance of these two descrems i extremee dolphin parent, who uses role modeling and guiding, and the concept of a pod living in a community and having important
intermediaries in that important parent-child relationship. >> greg, are there people in your kid's life that a lot of parents overlook as being a really important component to helping raise a successful, well balanced kid? >> the grandparents, definitely. the -- i think every parent should cultivate a special relationship with the grandparents. they bring such a sense much family -- of family, tradition, family history to a child and they do it in the same unconditional love that you as a parent do. myself, and my family, we get together every thursday night. we've done it for almost 22 years, i think. every thursday night, all the grandchildren and the grandparents get together. television's off, phones are off, all technology is gone. and we set around and we talk. we talk about what's going on in everybody's lives, talk about what's going on during the week.
no matter what goes on during that week, we all get together and we talk about it. and i think it's such a gift ohave a grandparent -- to have a grandparent in a child's life right now. >> you know ellen, the word that keeps coming in my head is the word perspective. you're a cancer survivor. i can imagine when you encounter a life threatening illness it changes your perspective. how you approach life, how approach your kids. and in some ways i can kind of connect grandparents to that, they don't sweat the small stuff, they've got that perspective. talk about the perspective that major life events can bring and older wiser folks in a child's life can bring? >> the idea of a grandparent or somebody who can shed the light on what life has been like and what they went through, i don't know how my grandmother felt when she left italy to go to
ecuador via new york, but telling me enlightened me. and major catastrophic events on tv, they're learning how other people relate, how we're all different but we share commonalities. i think that's the important piece. through those differences we can have shared experiences and grow through that. that's where our power is. >> our community members are talking about raising their kids bilingual. this statement, my son does rosetta stone with me. and beeny and the jets say, got to expose them to it. my first language was urdu, my second was the age of five, english. is being bilingual in this day and age a detriment or a benefit to raising kids?
>> i think it's a gift. to have them understand that their place in the world is a small piece of this much bigger puzzle is just a gift that we can give them. and it enables them to communicate where people all over the world with people all over the world. it's no longer about who lives next door to you, who you are going to be interacting with on twitter. where are you going to be interacting or living. >> teaching your two-year-old mandarin, where do you set the lines? >> sure. i want to add, bilingualism adds social advantages. it helps kids become tolerant to diversity. you're right, it's all about balance. and people can overdo it by trying to push too hard and too soon. i wanted to go back to the idea that parenting is more natural than we have made it and the
dolphin metaphor does well for that, they make their lifestyle a priority, things we are naturally driven to could is good for kids. kids are naturally driven to play and exercise and connect and to bond socially. to simplify, language is good but don't overcomplicate it. >> and playing is something i want to get into in our next segment. if you have ever seen a two-year-old on an ipad you know where i'm going here. nonverbal communication. when we come back, where to draw the line and successful pts adaptions to parenting in the digital age.
♪ ♪ >> a lot of kids these days like to play games. now they want to make them and it's difficult. because kids know where to go to find out how to make a program. soccer, go to a soccer team. for violin you could get lessons for a violin. but what if you want to make an app? parents may have done these things when they're young but not many of these kids have written apps. >> thomas has created his own
app, using an apple tool kit. these guests know a thing or two about raising successful, well balanced kids. so you work on linking kids with text. you mentioned you weren't crazy about these teen ted talks. does this come with setbacks? >> i marine of course it does. you know i think everyone is worried about kids and their interpersonal skills as they spend more and more time with the screens and schools are moving with one on one education where it's wonderful that something is tailored directly to a kid but really what a kid needs to learn is collaboration and compromise and negotiation and sort of how to do things as a team. if you grow one an app builder, you're probably going to be doing it with a team.
their kid doesn't know how to make eye contact or shake someone's hand, exactly. >> dr. kang before the break you mentioned how important it was to play and if i asked my 11-year-old niece and my nine-year-old nephew if playing on the ipod or the ipad was playing, they would say yes. >> there's two types of play convergent play and playing with an end result. if you know what you're going to end up with is that, many video games are like that. the other type of play is divergent play where you let your creativity go and that was the old kind of lego, diversion play that kind of creative play is really brain-boosting and it's very exciting for kids. it can draw them in. and the play that's creative,
the kind of outdoor play which is much better than video games in that sense, it allows the child to become comfortable with uncertainty. try and learn through trial and error. and to take risks. and all of those are really important ingredients to the ability to adapt which is a proven determinant of lifelong success. so kids can get a lot of benefit from technology. but it really is a balance. the average child in the west is spending eight hours a day on technology and that's too much. >> well our community is talking about this thing called the ipad link the kids are raving about it. jesse tweeted in, sure, we have two-year-olds who can use the ipad but they don't even know how the turn the pages on a book. the world's always been bigger than ipad screen after all. then we have mom trends who gave a great video.
>> how do we influence our kids when the world is influencing them with computer screens, with nonstop news cycles, what we do is we really rely on two old school things to balance out all of the old influences. books there's nothing like reading to your kids every day, they read to you, you read to them. sports, we build it into the schedule and we really think strong bodies build strong minds, independent spirits. >> how do you create this balanced fluid middle for kids to credit succeed in the digital world and the real worth world? >> that's how they are some, that's what -- are successful, that's where their peers are. you're outside taking a walk as a family and talking about things they're doing online. so don't let the things they do online live in isolation.
as parents whether we're online talk about that. be intentional. if you are sharing a picture on instagram, you shared a blog post, why did you do that? your influence has driven your access. not just i'm playing on facebook all morning long. teaching them there there's that balance, and that conversation, them seeing you in real life outdoors you know interacting with people is a huge component. >> ellen, this resigne remind m- reminds me of live do grow. a bit of a twist to just getting online and doing whatever. talk a little bit about that intentional focus. >> there are so many things we tell kids not to do online. but there are countless numbers of ways we can do good online. they can touch the lives of children around the world by
advocating for global programs or girls empowerment or education or that you can buy a goat as a teacher's gift and share it online and educate other people about that and the ramifications and repercussions, it's like a domino effect. not everyone is going to have the same opinion or interest but interacting about those things and why you did them, somebody else will learn and maybe not today. maybe not tomorrow. but maybe in a year they'll think oh, you know what, i could do that too. and then they would be inspired to do it. i think there's a definitely balance between there are so many things they shouldn't do but what can they be doing? >> ellen, giving kids a voice online, how important is it to teach your kids that they can change with their voice, they have a powerful tool right there within themselves? >> i marine it is the foundation of what we do at kids views, it is about empowering kids to voice their opinions and
understand how to use the technology responsibly. there is no reason why kids shouldn't be able to participate and use those rules. it is incredibly validating to do something positive and see a ripple effect and seeing kids around the world joining in or commenting on that video three made. the definition of a friend has changed. it's not just the kids sitting next to you. this touches on your last segment with the bilingualism. the world is much smaller and kids are communicating on a much broader scale every day and it's thrilling and empowering for them. >> we have digitally savvy kids poised for success but what about the less tangible immediate tricks, let us know what you think. using the hashtag #ajamstream.
can ♪ ♪ >> welcome back. we are looking at the challenges of 21st century parenting and what's your best shot at raising a well balanced kid. how do you create a space that empowers the kid to take risks when the parent's prerogative is to protect them from risks? >> you have to find a space for them to talk and you are going to listen. it is not about you. you have interests about things that are fabulous but if your child's not interested, it's not going to become a lifelong passion or the passion for the next six months because that's what their time frame really is. listening to them, hearing what it is they're interested in,
it's very small scale, that's okay, it came pr them. it doesn't have to -- came from them. it could affect five, if they feel good about it they've done something. >> greg, how important is it to give your kids the freedom to fail? >> well, i think every child needs to learn how to fail. adults still need to learn how to fail. i need to learn how to fail. as kids grow up, i think go back to the other point of you can't always do everything for your kids. and the tiger-parent i guess, prevents people from -- prevents kids from actually failing most of the time. and i see that a lot in schools. if you're going to failure going to learn from your failures. there's no question it's always been that way and it's always going to be that way. it's critical that kids learn how to fail, learn how to respond to the failure which is
just as important. what you do after you fail is just as important as what you're doing to begin with. >> okay, mike tweets in, failure is part of life and kids need to learn that lesson. the parental role is to love and support in spite of failure. and jamie on facebook says freedom is the key. over-stimulating is the thing. critical thinking and passion and independence. becbecca, i want to get you back into the conversation. parent child relationships through story telling. >> story telling is essential. share stories with kids when they are little, that everything you do is aplaysing. that you can do no wrong. it is important to show your kids that you're fallible and learned from failure.
instead of telling the fabulous stories, tell the stories not in the droning on way, but in an empathetic way. you're all for it if they fail. >> dr. kang how important is it to encourage a child's weakness? it's a little bit selfish on the part of the parent, they think they know who they want you to be and push you in that direction but do they need to stop and take a breath and figure out what's unique with the child? >> sure lisa. i worked with children over the years and what makes us motivated and uniqueness is something that really drives a child. we all want to follow our passions and our brains are hard-wired differently. there are reasons why some are interested in the arts and some interested in the in science.
mother nature needs us to all be different. if we were all doctors who would solve the flood problems and if we were all engineers who would solve the bubonic plague? are i nurturing interests and guiding children towards them, one comment i want to make about motivation, we are actually naturally motivated to contribute. i think a lot of parents are missing the mark on, we are so worried about competition that we forget that whether we help each other and part of a pod or community our brain releases dopamine and that makes us feel good and that's a signal to do it again. a lot of today's kids are lacking a sense of purpose. they want to know the point of this all. i've seen a lot of kids over ten years who are really smart and talented but because of that lack of community they are lost. >> good point.
>> lucille, the tiger mom, we won't know about that until those children have children of their own. avatars, let's talk about full circle what should be the afterr of the child at this age? >> independent resourceful creative. someone who can be a communicator. children need to know that they're going to make mistakes but their voice has powers. they are going to need to talk to people but they have a potential to create a ripple effect in everything they do. whether they're talking about what they did on mine craft, my daughter comes home all the time, saying the boys say i should do this on mine craft, she refuses to read the
tutorials. think creatively. >> that's it. until next time, woj an waj andl see you online. >> good evening everyone. welcome to al jazeera america. i'm john siegenthaler in new york. crisis in ukraine. kiev now threatening to use force within hours against pro-russian activists. >> i'm disturbed mainly. sorry for the victims and praying for them. >> stabbed in school. police say nearly 2 dozen students were attacked by a fellow teen ager armed with knives. the battle field, rifles